Chapter One [Freak Shows are Illegal in all 50 States]

“I love you too!” I yell back into the rushing air as freezing rain fills my lungs, and I roll up the window.

I wait a moment and watch my dad pull out first, then away towards our house, that is, their house.
I think for a minute how unfamiliar it feels to be back in this town, then pull out in the opposite direction.

Regretting my absentminded pack of a mere three cds, I toss an overly used mix into the backseat. Realizing that it is quite possible to feel sick of Otis Redding, as "tenderness" leaks out my ears, and I violently search for a country-less radio station.

Just two hours in I’m already drained.
Blinking the sleep out of my eyes I try to concentrate on the road ahead, the freezing rain and the four hours I have still to go.

Jerking back to reality, I open my eyes.

I don’t know if it was the pressure of having to use the restroom for the 27th time [how much did I drink today, really] or if it was the fact that I was falling asleep at the wheel on a 70 mile per hour expressway. Whatever it was I was awake and in desperate need of a stimulant if I was going to make it back alive. I groggily take the next exit and glide sleeplike into the nearest gas station.

Smacking myself awake I put 20 dollars in the tank and choose the pay inside option.

Oh my god.

It’s nearly midnight and I’m overly tired, fighting back a gapping expression of awe as I drink in the full effect of what stands before me.

It, or rather She, yes she I’m quite certain of it, is leaning against the counter looking hungry and irritable. Her hair is long, thick and burly, kinked into so many jags and turns, trying hard to form curls but instead shaping harsh knots that frame her unhappy shape. She looks up at me lazily, not with a smile, but a small purse of her lips that can only be defined as a wince, showcasing her large dark mustache.

I stand there, for what was probably much to long, in disbelief of the modern day bearded lady. Startled in the realization of its eyes upon me, I spoke much too loud, and much too cheerful “HI!” I half shout, “How are you?” She doesn’t reply, but looks as though she’s contemplating me, sizing me up. I keep smiling, for lack of anything else to do, and let my eyes drift away awkwardly. Pausing momentarily at her arms grossly covered in dark fur, I turn away, sorry that what I’m looking for is so close to the unfriendly caretaker. I search the countertops and nearby surroundings careful not to exchange eye contact, and finally find the array of caffeine pills and products along the back wall. I can feel its eyes bearing down on me as I try to look overly interested in my multiple choices in drugs. I glance sideways at it, and it stares straight back at me. Angry and surprised by my moment of weakness, I say loudly “So which are the best, have you heard?” motioning to the uppers and trying to seem conversational. Raising her eyebrows, she throws a more then arrogant laugh over her shoulder, a laugh hardly comical. “I don’t know,” she sneers “I don’t take them.”

Its 12:00 in the morning and I’m being judged by the hairiest woman in existence.

“I’ll take the middle one” I say, a little less heartedly, pay for my gas, and trudge to my car mildly irritated.

This is going to be a long night.