[A New Dresser? That Sounds Terrific!]

Tonight there was a dresser on the side of our street, and I’ve been in the want of one, so Amy and I decide to order pizza shuttle and pick the abandoned furniture up on the way back. So we’re on our way after shuttle, and we stop and stick it in the trunk to bring it home (which is right down the street) I have a hatch back so its just kind of hanging out. We get there and Amy gets out to direct me, I’m in the process of backing the car up towards our ally, when I hear this loud yelling. Sounds like someone’s yelling mumbles from across the street, I don’t see anyone so I continue backing up. The yells are getting louder. I was just about to tell Amy to get in the car when this ENORMOUS man comes walking up the sidewalk, talking to himself and headed straight towards Amy. Saying things like “Let me get that motherfucker for you, god bless you,” “I’m a big black mother fucker,” “I’m gonna get this mother fuckin thing,” “God bless you, your good people,” “I love you people.” Amy’s holding her pepper spray that her aunt gave us for Christmas inside of her purse. she also gave us chocolate and flashlights, but since I didn’t have either of those on me, I decide that the best thing to do is to stay in the car and just back into him if he tries to molest us or anything. So the giant is basically tearing the dresser out of the back, pretty much ruining the hatch part of my hatch back, neverminding our persistent pleadings of “no its ok, we really got it,” and “be careful, uh don’t break it.” After about two minutes of excessive motherfucking, and self proclamations, the dresser breaks free and crashes to the ground landing gently on a massive rock. So apparently somewhere in the midst of things we must have offered a prize reward to any monster who could give us a hand with our sword in the stone so to speak. So he’s asking for money now, I see Amy rummaging in her bag clearly pretending to look for spare change, poorly at that. If the ogre hadn’t been preoccupied with insanity I think he might have caught on. Since Amy had done her best and come up short, and he still was not pleased, she then offers him a piece of pizza. This seemed a fair deal to the troll, so we grabbed him the best piece of vegetarian (my side because trolls don’t like pineapple and green peppers.) and sent him on his way. I think we all know the moral of this story. Pizza can save the world.